Inviting primary students to elaborate on their opinions in an English activity framed by a modelled example and a success criteria list

Teacher: So we’ve got two totally contrasting ideas. Now today you have got the choice about which one you go for, I suspect I know which one you're going to choose, we shall see. So if you look at the board ((refers to whiteboard)) I’ve had a go, so part of your learning is looking at modelled examples and how we can use modelled examples to improve our own work, I'm going to read you mine, as I'm reading it, I want you to think about why is it effective? What kind of previous learning have I applied? If I look at the success criteria today, what parts of that have I achieved in my modelled example? “Peace is sacred but I saw it shattered like a bullet through glass, the land seemed to quake as the rumble of the iron hooves pounded against it. My way of life is fading, the dawn of a new tomorrow is suffocating the stability of a yesterday which I cherished. The stream seems less clear, the grass seems robbed of its vibrancy but the scariest thing, the thing that I will never erase from my mind – was the silence that followed in the wake of the monstrosity, the song of the birds would be forever lost in the plume of grey smoke.” Right, a really simple question to start with, what perspective have I written from? Caitlin?

Caitlin: Is it the Native Americans?

Teacher: It’s the Native American, I could ask why but I think we all know why, so I what I want you to focus on instead, how have I hit the success criteria? How is that an effective piece of writing? How have I used all my previous skills and applied it in there? Off you go, in your tables talk about it.

Teacher: ((Kneels at front table)) Right, first thing that you’ve noticed, what do you think?

Student 1: Written in the first person, like you're the-

Girl 1: You’ve used like good, like good, strong language.

Teacher: Give me an example of good, strong language.

Girl 1: Oh, like this type where it says “peace is-“

Boy 1: Is sacred.

Girl 1: Sacred.

Teacher: Okay, the word “sacred”, something that’s really special.

Girl 2: You've used a semi-colon to link the sentence because it says “the stream seems less clear” …

Girl 1: And you used dashes …

Girl 2: “The grass seems robbed of its vibrancy”, it’s kind of talking about some of the things …

Teacher: Yeah, they are, they’re really closely connected, aren’t they?

Girl 1: And what (we did last week you know) like the dashes and colons, you used that.

Teacher: Yeah, I have. Can anyone remember why I use a colon and how I use a colon? What does the colon do?

Girl 2: It’s to launch an explanation.

Teacher: It’s to launch an explanation, so what’s that colon explaining?

Boy 2: How his life is fading?

Teacher: Well done, okay.

Teacher: Anything else that you think is effective? Have we got any variation of tense? ((Leaves table))

Teacher: ((Sits at next table))

Girl 3: (Inaudible)

Teacher: Okay, what have we noticed then?

Girl 4: (inaudible) you’ve used figurative language.

Teacher: Give me an example of the figurative language that I’ve used?

Girl 4: Erm, the sacred (inaudible)

Teacher: “Peace is sacred but I saw it shattered like a bullet through glass.” What example of figurative language is that? ((pauses)) “Like a bullet” …

Girl 4: That’s a simile.

Teacher: It’s a simile isn't it? Okay, anything else that you’ve noticed?

Girl 5: You’ve used like a colon and a semi-colon (inaudible)

Teacher: Can you explain why I’ve used them?

Girl 5: Erm, because in the, when you've used a colon, it, is it because you’re erm, is it because the erm, sentences are similar?

Teacher: That’s the semi-colon. What does a colon do, can anybody remember?

Girl 6: Oh ((raises hand)) Does it do, erm, the list out?

Teacher: It can do.

Girl 6: (inaudible)

Boy 3: ((raises hand)) Introduce a new thing.

Teacher: Introduce something beginning with “e”, ex…?

Girl 5: Extension.

Teacher: Not an extension … ex-?

Girl 6: Explanation.

Teacher: Yeah, explanation, so “my way of life is fading”, I'm explaining that, “a dawn of a new tomorrow suffocating the stability of a yesterday”, so the change, is making his life feel like it’s fading.

Girl 6: And you’ve also said that the land seemed erm to quake as the rumbles (inaudible) against it, like it’s saying, like it’s a horse but it’s not.

Teacher: Yeah, so it’s metaphorical isn't it?

Girl 6: Yeah.

Teacher: Good girl, well done. ((leaves table))